Why all I want for Christmas is … poop!

This time last year, all I wanted for Christmas was a baby cooking nicely inside my tummy; and wonderfully I found out on the 30th of December 2015 that there was. However, way back then, the pre-baby me had no idea how much my motherhood life would be ruled by bodily functions. Did I ever envisage myself taking a picture of my baby’s poo filled nappy to show the health visitor? Or Googling the words ‘baby’s green poo’? Or being delighted to hear a burp multiple times a day? No! My pre-baby self is thinking, ‘What kind of weirdo have you turned into? Stop it right now!’

Obviously, I knew nappy changing was part and parcel of being a parent, but I didn’t realise it would become an obsession of mine. Looking back, I believe it began during my antenatal classes as I was handed ‘The Poo Colour Chart’. What it’s black! No yellow! Wait it can also be green?? I’d not even considered having to monitor the colour, consistency and frequency of my little ones bowel movements. As times gone on I find myself monitoring every nappy, which is highly time consuming (another good reason to use my free Baby Tracker App!) Having rung the GP’s/Health Visitor because my baby’s not pooing, pooing too much, to ask if he’s got diarrhoea or constipation, they must definitely be thinking, ‘Here’s that nutty woman again, the one with a weird poop obsession’. As well as that, I’m sure if I were to analysis the majority of the conversations I now have with my husband they would revolve around the contents of a nappy – how romantic!

It’s not just the poop, I’ve learnt, that you need to look out for. ‘Baby must be having at least two wee’s a day,’ I was told, well there’s no concerns there. However, not getting wee’d on, is another concern altogether. Maybe it’s just a boy thing? I’ve no idea, but changing a nappy can be a game of Russian roulette, a race against time before your hosed down and a quick nappy change turns into a whole outfit change for baby and me. Not best – especially at 4am!

Now, on to burping. At what point I wonder, will I stop singing my boy’s praises because he’s burped after his dinner? Is it weird to croon ‘Well done baby’, and for a really good one, ‘Ooh good boy, that came from your boots’? When, I wonder, will those words be replaced with, ‘Don’t do that at the table, it’s rude’? How times will inevitably change.

This Christmas I already have everything that I want – my family. Yet I know that my son will give me many ‘presents‘ over the festive period, in all the above forms – and I honestly wouldn’t change a thing. I’ll take my happy, healthy, bouncing boy – dirty nappies and all.

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